


Hold My Liquor

by Ileaf



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Choking, Deepthroating, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub, Ending Relationship, Face Slapping, Feminization, Femme Presenting Isak, Gender Fluid Mikael, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Masturbation, Medication, Nipple Piercings, Oral Sex, Praise Kink, Prostitution, Recreational Drug Use, Rimming, Rough Oral Sex, Spanking, abusive language, fishnet stockings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:42:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26069662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ileaf/pseuds/Ileaf
Summary: I was only having the best, self-entitled sex ever, with a zesty, savoury praline. Then I was gonna go back to my ordinary, not-single life. But I could not forget her.Could not forget Isak.
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen, Even Bech Næsheim/Sonja (SKAM), Isak Valtersen/Jonas Noah Vasquez
Comments: 26
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Read the tags please - enjoy!

Spotted her right away in a shaded corner of the dingy bar. Even if she hadn’t had such a princely brow, large, deep-set eyes, dainty, pointy nose and a sinful Cupid’s bow to her lip, I would have pounced.

Her Adam's apple bobbed once as she sipped from a wine glass, but she couldn't have swallowed more than a few drops. The glass was tipped back so quickly that I flattered myself to think she did that just for show - just for me, because I was approaching. Not because she loved wine. Her pale, curvy thighs peeked out from the the high-slit dress, crossed to show off the milky shine of her smooth skin and the moving muscles beneath. 

“Hi”, I started, once I stood in front of her. I was too far gone to bother with pre-ambling or small talk. It was late, the number of drinks downed unknown, and the way her slightly opened mouth glistened with saliva as she let the cigarette smoke out got me stiff without any delay. That was all it took. The powder that just went up my nostrils in the bathroom promised me more energy than what the drinks took away, together with all my fucks to give. 

“Hi, handsome”, she squinted up at me. The mellow timbre of her voice seemed to resonate in the very chambers of her heart. It had me trapped. 

“What’s your name, doll?” I asked, taking a step closer so my knee softly bumped into hers. 

“It’s Isak, what’s yours, gorgeous?” she almost sing-songed as she put down her wine glass and took my hand. Guess it was late for her too, and no point in dilly-dallying. I shivered at the touch. 

“I like Handsome.” My other hand cupped her jaw. I pressed my palm against the raspy skin under her chin. At three in the morning, there’s bound to be a shade to the skin she probably shaved so close earlier in the evening. 

“So what else can you do with that mouth of yours, except for it to look pretty? And make the sounds of an angel?” I slid down to one black spaghetti strap that held up her low-cut, loose-hanging dress and playfully tugged at it, then followed all the way along a broad, angular shoulder. There was a glint in her green eyes as she smiled coyly and stumped her cigarette. 

“Want to find out?” She got up on her high heels and tugged at my hand. I followed as willingly as a wet, hungry dog heading for a warm kitchen. 

But enough of the metaphors. Who needs them when Isak’s bouncy bum led the way to a room at the back? 

“Oops”, she said apologetically as she opened a door at the end of a narrow hall, and hastily switched off the harsh, fluorescent light that nearly killed the mood. The room went instantly dark, but only a couple of seconds later my eyes had got used to it, and then I noticed the full moon. Through the large, open window, It was actually casting cool, blue shadows on a bed and a bedside table – that was the only furniture. 

“There, that’s better.” Isak had turned on a small bedside lamp that in turn took away the moonlight, in favour of a yellow glow that barely lit up our faces. She took out her phone and mentioned a sum, so we did the pecuniary dance – vipps worked even here. 

“So – what do you want, Handsome?” She looked so soft, sitting on the bed in the lamplight. Her hair was gathered in a casual bun with wavy, blonde ringlets escaping from it, caressing her neck and bouncing with her movements. Her whole appearance made my mouth water. 

“You’re so pretty Isak. Can you stand up, let me have a look?” 

She got up, and I turned her around and lifted the slinky dress to admire her almost athletic loins and pert buttocks. One step forward, and I was hotly pressed against her backside, my boner barely making an indent in those springy cheeks, but I did my best as I ground against her, gripping her slim hips. I breathed hard against her neck as I kissed it, tasting her salty skin with small licks. Then I bit her.

“Ahh, careful! Fuck.” Her yielding movements and shallow breathing stopped as she turned around with a scowl. 

“Shhh, princess, don’t like when I do that?” I tried to turn her back around, and she complied, relaxing her shoulders as she leaned against me, perfect with arched back and exposed neck. “Just be careful, he doesn’t like when I’m marked up.” 

Oh fuck – I couldn't stop the growl at those words. “No? Well don’t worry princess, if you’re marked tonight, I’ll pay for it.” 

I had brief visions of a knight in white armour that looked a bit like me, wielding a sword against the foul pimp she probably called her boyfriend, while I resumed my kissing and nibbling at her neck. I didn't dare to make a purple stain though. 

“Want to be good for me tonight?” My lips touched her ear with every word. Pretty deftly my fingers slipped under her dress to roam her flat chest until they hit something hard, made of metal. The remaining drops of blood still in my head went instantly south. 

"Fuck Isak!" I could never think that her nipples under that stylish dress were pierced. I flicked the small barbells and gently bit her earlobe, and that rendered me a whimpering, writhing Isak, whose bum pushed even further into my crotch. 

I pulled a bit harder at the bells. “Ow!” 

“Answer me? Gonna be good for me, hm?”

“Ahh, yes, oh yes, Handsome. I’ll do anything you want. That’s my specialty”, she promised. Even if she repeated that to every customer, surely she really meant it this time? 

I tried to harden myself as I remembered the business transaction I was involved in. There was nothing but my own cock that I wanted to pamper tonight, and this little praline was the means to that end. So what if Isak here happened to be just about the prettiest, loveliest means to an end that I ever encountered? It would only help my case and heighten the experience. 

“Get down on the bed, babe”, I ordered. I had her scoot up so her head was propped up on two pillows against the headboard. Judging from the smell, those pillowcases hadn’t been washed recently, but Isak was so beautiful where she lay, that the only association I got was that of an exquisite diamond, put on display on a piece of velvet. 

I got up and faced her on the bed. In an urge for any touch, I let my bulge rub softly against her cute nose. She followed my movement, and gingerly bit across the outline of my cock. That made me chuckle. "Tit for tat, is it?" She giggled, and I pushed her head back. 

“Get my dick out, baby.” As she unbuttoned my pants and tugged them down, she kept looking up at me to await further orders. When my cock was finally free to make a tent of my boxers, I stuttered out my relief. 

“That’s enough”, I stopped her when she’d pulled down my jeans to mid-thigh. “Go on, touch my cock”, I whispered because my voice was failing me. Thank fuck for coke to stop me from shooting before we even got started; I thought as this graceful, yet strongly built angel carefully took out my heavy cock. The soft light caused her green, glittery nail polish to gleam mysteriously against the red shaft. Her gentle touches made me almost lose my mind, I felt the intensity ramping up until I must have some friction. 

“Get it wet, there’s a good girl, put it in your mouth”, I urged. Standing on my knees in front of her, I placed my hands on the wall above as Isak let her lips encompass the head and suckle at it. I hissed and closed my eyes to revel in the sharp pleasure. It felt as if I was going to come, like, the whole time – even though I wasn’t. 

“Look up so I can fuck your mouth.” I noticed how short I kept my sentences, but try to speak coherently after the night I had had. 

Isak obeyed readily anyway, tilting her head up at me, while her perfect body lay prostrate with legs open wide and hips thrusting up into the air. Her obvious horniness turned me on even more. Centimeter by centimeter, I let her suck me up in surging motions. The walls of her mouth pressed against me, and as I buried myself, her throat squeezed my dick in a vice that made me never want to pull out. 

“Fuuck, your throat baby, it’s as tight as your ass. You have a tight ass, princess?” I heard her whimper, feeling her voice vibrate as I quickened my thrusts inside her. She kept her mouth open for me, and every time I fucked into her, I felt myself go even deeper. 

But I could use some distraction to make me last. “Can you play with your nipples baby? They're so incredibly sexy.” I pulled out and waited until Isak had cleared her throat. "For you I'll do it." She smiled lazily, and I couldn't take my eyes off her as her small fingers fiddled with her piercings and pulled at them. She looked up at me where I jerked off slowly over her writhing torso, her incredibly defined sixpack. 

Isak whined as her nipples contracted to hard nubs. I couldn’t stop myself from leaning down and tracing them with my tongue, nipping and feeling the pointy ridges against my teeth and the taste of metal. 

“Ahh, Handsome, you make me so wet”, she moaned. Suddenly I felt something poke me in the back, and as I looked behind me, I saw how she had hitched her skirt up, freed her cock from the black panties and was bucking her hips frantically. And her cock was just so perfect with its pretty, glistening head. 

“Damn girl, drive me wild," I dipped two fingers inside her mouth. She sucked them softly and when I pulled them out I just had to smear her saliva on her own cock. She closed her eyes and I could see her lips twitch as she savoured my touch. 

I staved off the urge to taste her just now, because I wanted to try something else again. 

I scooted back up to her head. "Can you open up for me again princess?” If she was disappointed, she didn’t say so, but parted her gorgeous lips and took me in once more. Her tight mouth massaged my sensitive glans, making me let out a long moan. 

“Ooooooh girl, feels so good to fuck you like this. Think you can gag on my cock? You up for that?” She simply nodded and shimmied further up against the headboard. Like the professional she was, I thought as a fleeting, icy feeling pierced my spine. 

“if you want me to stop, just pinch me, ok?” She nodded again, her beautiful, green eyes looking up. My hand felt the back of her head and gripped her soft bun. “You’re such a sweet baby”, I gasped as I gradually sunk in, all the way to the hilt. The grip at the back of her head got firmer when I stayed put down her throat. Her gagging, choking sounds went straight to my balls. 

I pulled out and Isak coughed a few times. “How was that?” 

“It’s good, you can do it again if you want”, she replied, matter-of-factly. I willed the veil to stay intact though, no matter how level-headed Isak appeared. I didn’t want to rip it and discover a whore and a trick. And it worked, because there was nothing wrong with my imagination. 

“Ok, what if I want to come down your throat, can you take that? You don’t have to, I can pull out too”, I assured her. Isak gave me a smile that almost looked patronising. 

“No, it’s ok, you can do that.” I had never had such a willing playmate before. 

As I went back to fuck her mouth, I kept my hold at the back of her head. The angle made it impossible to see if she was enjoying helself or not, but I tried not to care. Who was paying, after all? 

At one point, the sensation got so overwhelming that I had to stop and press my nails into the soft underbelly of my arm, just to feel some real pain and make sure I wasn’t dreaming this up in a wild drug fantasy. 

When I was buried down to the hilt again, I stayed there, this time for a bit longer. Again, the gagging sounds Isak was making nearly finished me off, so I pulled out, and got back inside again. I fucked her throat deeper and deeper, and then I stayed inside to feel the pressure build while Isak was wholly at my mercy. 

Her pretty nose was doing all her breathing, except when I pressed her so tight against my stomach and cut off that air supply too. That made her limbs relax completely. “Good girl, good little princess.” I wrecked her, totally. She was absolutely passive as she gagged on my cock. I filled her up and held her head against my crotch for so long that my hips started to stutter beyond my control. I felt my balls pull up, as the tightness of Isak’s throat started to squeeze the orgasm out of me. 

Both my hands clasped her beautiful head when my hips thrust against her face, and I came with the loudest moan. I fearfully watched her gulp and writhe under me, but she swallowed everything I gave her. Even as I fucked down her narrow passage one last time, my cock remained hard and somehow, my moaning turned into a string of words that I growled out, but couldn’t make out myself. I suppose I was too blissed out, as well as crossfaded, to even find that weird. 

“Baby, fuck you’re so good to me”, I gasped and pulled out, collapsing beside her and reaching for her hand that had slipped down to fondle her balls. I wanted to do that. I wanted to return the favour with interest, to fill my mouth with that perfect, glistening member and swaddle her in pleasure, as she had done to me. 

I know, I know, I’m too emotional. Who falls for a whore? 

There was so much beauty in her flushed, wet cheeks and heaving chest. She was so utterly, submissively wrecked that my cock was ready for round two right away. I kissed her fingers while she sat up and gulped down some water that was waiting on her bedside table. 

“What do you need, princess? Let me take care of you now”, I cooed, while she coughed and cleared her throat. 

“Oh, that’s not – why you’re here, is it?” and with a brave smile, she covered her standing erection with the skirt of her dress and turned to sit at the edge of the bed. Her white, strong arms went up to unfasten the damp tangle that her hair bun had deteriorated into. 

I attached myself to her backside, kissed her shoulders and let her curls tickle my face. My legs stretched out to cradle her between them, and I felt my heart swell with something so sweet and painful that I had to touch her some more. 

Groping for her nipples, I whispered against her neck. “I don’t care, princess Isak. Let me make you feel good, please? Come on, you’re not going anywhere? Lie back down, you’re so lovely, you deserve to be taken care of.” Found the barbells and gave them a small tug, making her hiss in spite of herself. 

“Oh really? Was that why you asked me to marry you, right when you came down my throat?” she chuckled as she turned her head to wink at me. 

I simply stared back, while the lazy cogwheels in my brain tried to process what Isak just told me. Had I - really said that? and just when I had lost myself inside her and let go of the reins, as I shuddered in her embrace? 

i must have looked totally oblivious, because she giggled and flashed me a smile, showing an adorable set of gappy teeth. 

“You don’t remember?” she asked, but I didn’t miss the quiver in her voice, nor how her eyes sparkled from tearing up, despite her playful attitude. 

As I held this angel to my chest, I suddenly saw a way forward that wasn’t the stony path I was on now, where drinks and powders and pills were the only relief I could expect. 

“I – I don’t”, I said, truthfully. “But – will you? Would you?” My roving hands stilled in anticipation. I felt as if I was approaching the altar of a holy place of worship, the yellow lamplight guiding my steps towards the highest and deepest fulfilment of my desires. 

“I can’t decide if you’re more handsome than silly right now”, she rallied, but her body remained pliant in my arms. So I finally laid her down on her back. “Shh, my love, shh, just let yourself go, you’re safe with me.” 

Now, where did that word come from? Love? It wasn’t on the table, but very fitting where my mind was heading. I had my sword, still blazing proudly, wielded at her every past, present and future antagonist. I felt so brave as my rock-hard boner travelled down her lithe torso and my mouth found the prettiest cock. I heard her breath stutter as I started to lick the sticky head clean. New beads of clear nectar kept rolling off her glans – I caught every one. 

“Can you be good and open your legs for me? Let me see your pretty hole”, I egged her, and she parted her thighs with a moan. 

“Yes, look at my pussy, Handsome, do you like it?” she asked shyly. My hands spread her strong thighs further apart as I found her pink pussy. 

“Like it?” I said incredulously. “I fucking love it”, and with that I licked it so wet, my tongue going up and down over the sensitive skin. 

With a graceful gesture she threw both her arms over her head and let out the longest, sweetest moan in appreciation of my ministrations. 

“Ah, fuck me Handsome, fuck my pussy”, her sweet voice begged to the ceiling. I was in horny heaven. 

Bam! 

The door flew open, letting in a chilly draft from the corridor. A looming figure filled the doorway as I felt Isak freeze in my grip. 

“What the fuck is going on here?” a commanding voice wanted to know. And one second later, Isak had yanked herself out of my hands and scrambled as far from me on the bed as she possibly could, huddling against the headboard. 

“Nothing”, she replied with her eyes wide and her mouth open in terror. “He’s just a trick, nothing’s going on.” 

“So”, said the man who now took a step inside the room. He looked so forbidding with his big, curly hair like a halo around his head, his hands in his sides and suspiciously squinting eyes under dark, bushy eyebrows. 

“Why are you lying there like a useless rag then? Answer me Issy!” 

“I … he …”, she stammered, making herself as small as possible with eyes cast down. It was as if a light had died down in the room, inside her and between her and me, and suddenly I felt nauseous. I started to sweat and shivered as my face and hands grew icy cold. Bile threatened to rise up my throat and make me lose face in this new, disturbing situation. Don't ask me how, but Isak's predicament got lost in my hangover. 

In panic, I sat up on my knees and quickly buttoned my pants, furtively feeling for my phone, which I found safely tucked in my back pocket. 

I willed everything down my throat as I backed towards the large window. “I … errr … I’ll see you later”, was my illustrious exit cue, rounded off with a stare at Isak – disappointment clearly written across her features - as I once again gulped down my vomit. 

Then I turned around, and with a reckless jump over the sill, I fled out the window. 

For a split second I thought I was plunging towards a certain death, but I landed on my feet in the courtyard not more than one meter below, and took off as fast as my wobbly legs could carry me. 

Having rounded one corner, I leant against a wall and let myself throw up what was left of the drinks, along with some bitter bile. When I was done, my knees were so weak that I had to crouch on the ground, before my back found the wall to slump against. 

Behind closed eyelids, I heard the sounds of occasional cars driving by, as I sat in the acrid smell of my own vomit. It was what I deserved, after leaving the sweetest creature to fend for herself against her terrifying pimp. 

I didn’t want to open my eyes. In fact, I didn’t know where I was. I had been so drunk, and so high, that I had no memories of what I had done before I met Isak. In the frightening maze that was my mind, Isak was the only counterpart, the one bright light, my only hope. I was sure of that, if I didn’t know anything else. But how could I redeem myself? 

That pimp of hers was a fiend. He barged in on us when he heard Isak enjoy herself, not before. I had been moaning to my heart’s content before, and that hadn't spurred him into action. 

As I sat there on the cold pavement with chattering teeth, back scraping against the rough surface, I felt hot, salty tears find their way to the corners of my mouth. Where was my wielded sword now? It couldn’t be that flaccid, useless thing lying spent in my boxers? I was too exhausted to put all the pieces of what had happened together. They just kept swirling around in my brain, as sleep came and saved me from trying to make sense of a proposal, a lady in distress, bushy eyebrows and green, glittery nail polish. 

“Oi, mister. How are you feeling?” I reluctantly open my eyes to stare into a round, middle-aged face under a policeman’s hat. 

“Even! Even, here you are, thank God!” The moon face is replaced by a frowning, younger countenance, framed with blonde, undulating hair. 

“Isak?” I manage to mutter, though I’m more asleep than awake. 

“Who is Isak?” The face frowns, big eyes that are actually annoyed, not concerned, I realise in a moment of clarity. 

“It’s Sonja, Even do you recognise me? Officer, can you help me get him to the car?” Arms are heaving me up and I don’t even have to walk because they drag me forward and then keep my head down as I’m placed in the back of a car. They close the door, but I can hear them talking anyway. 

“Even Bech Næsheim, that’s right. I think he’s been off his medication and then these things can happen. I’ll try to keep a closer look, yes. Yes, we live together so I’m just taking him home now.” 

There’s laughter, and words of thank you, because they seem to be such buddies, Sonja and the police. A car door slams shut. As we drive off, I crane my neck to look behind me and acknowledge the bond I have to this place now, where my world was turned around 180 degrees – unless it was all in my head? 

Under a streetlight by the corner stands a pale figure in a black high-slits dress, hugging her bare arms in the cold wee hours. She is staring after the disappearing car. Staring at me. I press the palm of my hand to the car window and keep it there until we get home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saturday night meant it was more crowded. My gaze swept over the heads of all the patrons like a beacon across choppy waters. And there she was, at the other end of the bar counter. Talking to two guys who were standing very close to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beautiful Skamdom! I'm back trying to untangle poor Isak from the difficult situation she seemed to be in, in Chapter 1. Whether I succeed or not, you will be the judges. There will be one more chapter.  
> This story contains dom/sub elements. It's consensual, and (slightly) problematized in the last chapter, but it's definitely there. So read the tags please. Enjoy!

Something was scratching my eyeballs. So I stopped moving them to get away from the pain. Then I noticed how my mouth was firmly glued shut around the foulest smell. But with eyes fixed and shallow breathing I managed to stay clear of the worst sensations. That’s when my whole body started itching and sweating under the duvet. Ok that tipped the scales – I had to wake up, it couldn’t possibly be worse than this.

Joke was on me because of course it could. When I blinked up into the garishly bright room, every discomfort spiked. The curtains were opened for the intense May sun to spark a life into all the dust particles that kept dancing before me. Throwing the covers to the side, I sat up in an effort to cool off and somehow feel better, but of course that didn’t happen. The bedside table was scornfully lacking both water and painkillers. I missed the times when Sonja would take pity and lay out those things for me. 

The room started spinning as soon as I stood up so I dove for the door, and when I yanked it open I was hit with the booming sound of the vacuum cleaner that Sonja was pushing around with angry movements. She was fully dressed already, her blonde curls swooping as she slammed the nozzle into furniture and – hey! – my new, super cool runners. 

I escaped to the bathroom and sat down in my self-induced suffering. I shouldn’t – be. Period. Asleep or awake, nothing felt good. I couldn’t even throw up, my stomach was empty. Why wasn’t there a gullet attached to my brain, so I could discharge the chaos of unsettling thoughts and impressions of the garishly loud day that I was no way near ready for. Would I ever be? 

Five minutes later I was back under the covers in my – our – bed, after swallowing down gulps of water and an Ibux in the bathroom, damn curtains drawn shut. Closed my eyes and counted: one, two, thr –

“So you’re awake!” the flinty voice of my girlfriend sounded at the door. I did not open my eyes. “Mhm.”

Two seconds of silence can be a very long pause. “Well, I’m going shopping, and when I get back we should talk.”

Three more seconds, during which I stubbornly kept my eyes shut until I heard her turn around and slam the door to our flat behind her. Phew. I felt my limbs relax in the blissful silence.

I’d come out pretty unscathed from her chiding earlier this morning, when we got home. We didn’t talk as long as we were in the car, and my hand was pressed to the window, my heart trained on the figure under the streetlight where we took off. I’d managed to walk inside by myself, thank you very much. Sonja asked to see my meds and interrogated me about them. But I was clear there. I hadn’t in fact stopped taking my pills. I was just frustrated and self-destructive enough to mix snow and drinks even without an episode. Not that my soul wasn’t blackened with shame because of my childish behaviour. But we were both caught in this tango of bad attitudes. And I didn’t know how to turn the music off.

I slid down the mattress and cocooned in the duvet. In the quiet of the house, I unlocked the memories from last night like a treasure chest. There was heat radiating from my palms and finger pads that had touched Isak, had gently clasped her hand as she took me to her room, boldly felt the valleys and ridges of her torso before pinching her nipples until she writhed against me, selfishly pressed against her tangled bun as I made her swallow my entire length, barely roamed across her curvy buttocks before I ground my hard-on against her while locking her hips in a self-entitled grip. Why had I been so greedy? Why hadn’t I savoured my delicious praline, instead of just gulp it down with the urgency of my drug-induced desire? Everything last night had been about me. I knew what Isak wanted, she had even begged me in her sweet, honeyed voice with its deep timbre: “Look at my pussy, Handsome, do you like it?”, “Ah, fuck me Handsome, fuck my pussy!” And just when she was about to have her desert, so well-earned after how I had used her, her pimp had barged in like an avenging angel. Fuck! 

My palms kept itching, longing for Isak’s beautiful body. But here there was nothing but my own hangover-hard boner aching for attention. I started stroking myself, picturing Isak’s delicious expanse of skin, the firm butt cheeks that I yearned to part – but as I came with a groan into the pillow not more than a minute later, I was reliving how she yielded to me, swallowing me down her tight throat. “Aahhh fuuuck!” The jizz just kept pulsating out of me. I was pretty amazed by the force of my orgasm. Sex with Sonja had been so scarce recently, and on the rare occasions I was never as turned on as I had been now, just picturing Isak before me.

I took off the bedding and put it in the washing machine, under the pretext of joining Sonja in the cleaning frenzy. Then I put myself under the shower and rinsed off the traces and smells of my incredible night, and its aftermath. I was finally starting to feel better, so I went to the kitchen for a late breakfast. I sauntered around the flat, munching on my yoghurt and granola, wondering what kind of Talk Sonja had planned for us? Was she aware that our relationship had stranded? Did she ever stop to think – about anything? A big issue I had with Sonja was that she was a doer to a fault. Her level of activity never allowed me to gather my bearings, or consider options in the longer perspective. As long as something was constantly happening, she was content. If I needed to stop and reflect, she got annoyed with me. That Duracell rabbit personality of hers provoked me to be even more passive than I had been before we got together, ten years ago. Or was it my passiveness that drove her to such frantic action levels? Either way, we weren’t happy. And whatever had happened last night, was –

I froze to a standstill in the doorway to my studio. My desk was completely cleared! Its matte wooden surface stupidly reflected the daylight from the window. “What the …” I exclaimed aloud. Where was all my stuff? The sight was so nightmarishly unreal that I shook my head to set everything straight in my brain. But the vision remained. Where were my sketches? My pens and all the other art material that, until yesterday, had been strewn over my whole desk? And this was a mess I liked! I felt at home here. It was my mess. Sonja could do whatever she wanted in the other rooms, decorate however she fancied, but this was off limits.

I sat down heavily in my chair and just – stared ahead of me. This couldn’t be happening. My studio was my sanctitude where I worked on ideas, for commission occasionally, but even more where I did my own art work just for my own sake. Truth be told, lately I had been indulging in drawing portraits of people I lowkey fancied. Boys mostly, boys I saw in the street or cafés, or just conjured up in my head. I’d had two manic episodes in the past when I’d hooked up with guys at clubs on trips to London and Copenhagen. I’d managed to keep Sonja out of it, but sometimes when I felt horny and alone I sketched down the things we’d done on those occasions. The ‘horny” sketches were tucked under the general mess.

The guilt and horror of what I’d done and the realisation that she must have busted me bore down on me. I just sat there, shame and rebellion fighting for dominance in my head. But when I heard the sound of the front door open, rebellion took over. I was the injured party here! Seething with self-entitled anger I sprang to my feet and shot out into the hallway. This meant war!

Sonja was struggling through the door, weighed down by two grocery bags, but I wasted no time. “You wanted to talk?” I yelled. “Well here’s a topic: My desk, and what the fuck have you done with it?!” She winced. “Jesus, calm down.” Then she carried the bags into the kitchen. “I – cleaned it up.” I strode after her – and smashed my toe into the bloody vacuum cleaner that was peeking halfway out into the corridor. It was like the universe was out to punish me.

“Fuck!” I hopped after her on one leg, toe hurting like a motherfucker. That was Sonja’s fault too, she should have put the vacuumer away. “Even, you need to calm the fuck down, you’re scaring me”, Sonja warned from the kitchen. “Sorry”, I hobbled over to the kitchen and leaned against the doorframe. “Fucking vacuumer.”

She was taking out stuff from the bags and putting them away. I glared defiantly at her back. “What do you mean, ‘cleaned it up’? Why?? You’re not supposed to do that, we agreed on it. Where is everything, then? Where’d you put my sketches and the other stuff?”

“I threw them out.” I barely heard her, the words were spoken into the fridge where she was stacking egg cartons. But then the anger hit me like a hot punch in my chest. “You WHAT?” She spun round and the next second I really did get a punch in the chest. The shove she gave me sent me crashing backwards into the doorframe. “Ow!” It didn’t hurt, but who wants to be shoved? 

Then she was in my face, yelling and fuming. “Who are those people that you draw, Even? I know you, you wouldn’t draw them so – seductively if you didn’t fancy them. And boys too? Do you like boys now?” She went on like a stage actor, spit-spraying and all.

“They’re not real persons, it’s – art! It’s my art you’re hating, and throwing out”, I shouted back, sticking to the injured artist-version of this wreckage.

The resentment seemed to leave her, she backed off and there was capitulation in her eyes. “And how many sketches do you have of me?”

I didn’t answer, but that was answer enough.

Her eyes closed against the pain in her voice. “I hate who I am with you.”

All the steam went out of me. There was only exhaustion left. “Sonja”, I pleaded, uselessly. She went to sit down on a chair, looking so unhappy. “I don’t recognise myself anymore. All I do is look to you, Even. How you are feeling, if you’re happy or, if you’re not, what I can do to help you.” Her delicate frame shivered as she let out a deep breath. “Then you’re out doing god knows what, living it up and I’m not there with you. I only come in to pick you up and help you back on track again."

“I … I know”, I mumbled down my chest. It was true.

“I feel as if the colour has run out of me, as if – I’m no fun.” She turned her palms up in a helpless gesture. “It’s like I only live in the shadows, where you rest up, and then you’re gone again. Where there’s colour.”

I was caught by the horrifying mirror her words put up before me. And it wasn’t twisted, I realised. I had been so selfish in my unhappiness, in my pursuit of something meaningful, colourful. And resented her as someone who stopped me from enjoying myself. But at the end of the day (or night), all my weaknesses were in her control and I had started to hate her for it.

I could see our needs and wishes twisting together like a nest of electric cords, energies thwarting and cancelling each other out, leaving nothing but a spineless creature going nowhere.

I hid my face in my hands with a groan. “What can I say, Sonja. You’re right, and I am so sorry. I’m selfish.” I held it there, didn’t want to turn into the victim anymore, and make this about me. Not when I had to say what I had to say.

I tried to hold her gaze, but she didn't meet it. “I don’t want you to hate who you are.” A tear trickled down her beautiful face, but I remained where I was. “Sonja, please”, I pleaded. “You’re beautiful, you are. Look at you, you’re so stunning. And – I’m sorry I’m not the one who can make you see that.”

When she started to sob violently I sat down beside her, took her hand and cradled it between mine until her sobbing had stilled. She dried her eyes and wiped her nose with some kitchen paper, looking ahead of her, not at me. I watched her profile. “So this is it for us”, she stated in that straightforward manner so typical of her. It reminded me of someone else, another angelic blonde whose matter-of-factness promised to keep my bounding soul within healthy limits. If I should be so lucky.

She kept her hand between mine, I clasped it tight. After a while she leaned back and looked up at me. “Have you been miserable too, with me?” I looked down at where we were united, how my larger hands seemed to keep hers safe, encompassing it fully. It was invisible in my grip.

“Yes?” I said tentatively while searching for words to invest my thoughts. “You’re so strong, Sonja. That makes me feel – inadequate. You don’t need me. And I want to feel needed, to really matter so someone.”

We let the words sink in. And then, as if acting on cue, her hand started to flutter at the moment I opened my palms to release the hold I had on her. Without a word she stood up and strode out into the hallway in those high-heeled cowboy boots I had bought her while we still had the spark. I heard the front door open. And then close.

And that was that. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Get a move or he’ll leave!” What was I doing? Again?

“Fuck Even, can you make your flippin’ mind up for once!”

“Hey! Easy man, let him. Fuck the cab, we’ll wait for Even.”

I could hear the guys shouting outside on the pavement from the top of the stairs at Mutta’s door where I was sitting. I had stayed back while the others ran down to catch the cab we’d called. Some (Mutta) were drunk and some (Elias and Mikael) were high off their asses. You’d be surprised to hear that their bro Even, aka me, was neither. There was no deliberate decision to only have a few beers tonight. But when Sonja walked out this morning, and I left an hour after that with most of my stuff crammed into two blue Ikea bags, there was a shift that happened sort of organically. Because who would save me if I fucked up now? Suddenly, there was no point in rebelling at the price of my health. It wouldn’t piss anybody off anymore, so that took away some of the incentive. And I always knew it was risky, but that was what got me off. The iron taste of danger on my tongue.

Could it be I was about to grow the fuck up?

My bros are the best. They had been so supportive, from the moment I landed at Mutta’s with my stuff earlier today, through the afternoon when Elias and Mikael met up bringing yummy bowls of ice cream and then stayed till the evening, ordering pizza for everyone, until Mutta hit some heavier drinking and Elias and Mikael rolled a spliff each and spaced out on the sofa where we all had landed. I’d told them what had happened with Sonja, but other than that I didn’t feel the need to delve into our breakup further. Sonja and I were so thoroughly over, I think I had known that for a while. Why else could another person take up so much space in my heart?

So – there was no point in talking about it. Not now, when all my plans and thoughts were focused on Isak. And that subject was far too brittle to broach.

While the guys kept up some mellow small talk – they may have laid out baits for me when they brought up the latest TV shows on Netflix, or some art exhibition because they know I’m into those things – I couldn’t commit. But I was grateful for the white noise, for their kind efforts to make me feel better. After a while they flowed into the eternal debate of weed legalization in Norway. Which wasn’t a debate since everyone was of the same mind.

And my insides quivered with desire. 

All I could think of was Isak, my exquisite diamond. Isak who refracted the beam of my mind’s eye, and hypnotised me with the play of the rainbow colours she radiated, rendering me useless to anyone else.

My memory hardly dared to revisit her image up close, her firm shoulders and luscious buttocks, her long lashes around that gaze that was now intense, now leeringly lazy … not to mention her deep, musical voice. Oh god, when she asked me to fuck her …

I sat on Mutta’s sofa, tensed and recoiled like a lion ready to spring. And then I sprang. Or, got up from the sofa.

“Let’s go!” 

“Huh?” Elias looked up from the snake pit of arms and legs they had reclined into. Mikael leaned up on one elbow, Mutta – well, he opened one eye.

“Let’s … go bar hopping!” I was yet too scared to voice my design – I felt sure they were going to shoot it down with some depressing facts. Such as it being too soon to go for someone else.

The way they all started to untangle without complaining was proof of how much they cared about me. if I had had the time, I’d have told them how much I loved them back. Not that they didn’t know it already.

“Anything for you, weirdo. Though how much fun is that gonna be for you if you’re not drinking?” Elias muttered while groping for his phone between the cushions.

“Oh, I just – want to mix and mingle. See people”, I replied while trying to breathe regularly when every muscle kept shouting “Isak, I’m coming!!!”

“Is ‘bar hopping’ short for ‘pussy hopping’ then?” Mutta grinned smugly at his own lame pun. I scoffed and looked away, to hide my blush. “Fuck you”, I countered feebly. Mutta slapped the back of my head on his way out.

“Ready losers?” Mikael put the mascara back in his sling bag after touching up his eye lashes in front of the hall mirror.

“Taxi’s here in five!” Elias yelled on his way out. My stomach churned as I followed the others out through the door. Why was my mouth so dry?

“Guys …” I hesitated on the landing. “I need a moment … I’ll be out soon.”

“Yeah sure. You still want to go then?” Mikael asked.

“Yeah, absolutely. I think.” I swallowed. “I’ll … “ I sat down on the top step because I suddenly felt too weak for – anything. Now my hands were visibly shaking.

“You go out, I’ll be there in a sec. I’m alright.”

“Ok, we’ll be right outside if you want us.”

As they all wandered out into the late May twilight, I was left with a giant mountain ahead of me. One with steep sides, impossible to conquer. Everything I desired was on the other side – it seemed unreachable. The thought of never having Isak’s eyes look into mine again was a snake eating at my insides. I crouched helplessly against the pain. Because with the way I had left her last night, I should just stay away forever in shame. And live my life without – the colours.

I recalled Sonja’s words: “I feel as if the colour has run out of me.” It was such a sad, pointless waste. I wished with all my heart that every second of Sonja’s life would be lived in colour from now on. And – if I dared to think of my own life with compassion, even though I had made my partner’s life worse, for years – I wanted me to have that too. Not just when i lived on the edge in an attempt to forget my life, but all the time, secured in my pumping heart so all the colours of the rainbow wouldn’t fade into black and white as soon as I sobered up.

And that’s when Elias yelled out his loss of patience in me.

I got up and ran down the stairs because I had found me a mountain pass that would lead me through all the humiliation of last night - disappointing Isak, not cutting the heroic figure I wanted to be for her. I had found a footing that allowed me to try, and that was all I could ask for.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Bro gonna bounce baaaaack!!” Mutta yelled out of the cab window as we sped through Oslo, straight to the bar where Isak had been yesterday - I'd landed on the right place through some googling and then a hasty elimination process. 

It was my turn to slap Mutta's head. “The fuck!” he protested. The cab driver kept his stone face though, so I guess we were alright.

Mikael’s honey-brown eyes widened as we turned down the alley where the bar was. “Yellow Curtains? You know about this one?” The realisation that Mikael would have been here hit me like a reminder of how wound up I was, not to consider that. It was a mixed bar after all. While I tried to think of some evasive reply, I witnessed in real time how he connected dots and then shut his mouth and turned to look out the window.

Because Mikael was alright, we’d kept my high school crush on him to ourselves, and he apparently stuck to that. When I kissed him, back in second year, he found out I liked boys. But since I met Sonja shortly after that, and didn’t want to make waves when I was in a het relationship, I never told anyone about my orientation. Only Mikael knew and we never mentioned it, not even when he came out as gender fluid.

When we had alighted he came up and gave me a hip check and a sneaky smile. “Good luck man.” I bent down and kissed the top of his head. Just because. And denying anything would have been useless at this point.

The bar was as dusky as last time – barely brighter than the early summer night outside. Anticipation tingled in my gut and crotch, I reacted like a Pavlovian dog to the premises.

Saturday night meant it was more crowded. My gaze swept over the heads of all the patrons like a beacon across choppy waters. And there she was, at the other end of the bar counter. Talking to two guys who were standing very close to her.

And inevitably, reality smacked me. Right and left. Showed me how very far from mine she was, miles upon miles upon miles away from being mine.

She caught all the light, her ringlets let loose, dancing down her neck and shoulders that were bare today too. A tight yellow tank top hugged her strong torso, over black shorts with suspenders. Oh fuck, my dick was waking up.

I looked down at her shapely thighs gleaming through fishnet stockings. I only knew I had to 1. Fuck her and 2. Save her. I hoped she would want both. And that I could deliver.

“Cool place”, Elias assessed right behind me. “Let’s order, do you want anything?” I told them I’d sit this one out, so they left me in the middle of the throng, ogling across the room.

I headed over. Because I stopped thinking. My dick and my heart conspired to lead me straight to where Isak was standing with her back turned towards me. I had just placed myself close behind her and was about to tap her on the shoulder when I noticed her pimp (I refused to call him boyfriend) sailing into my line of vision. He had the same black stare as yesterday, only now it was aimed at me, not Isak. No doubt looking out for his profit for the night, aka the two customers.

The cocky recklessness from yesterday was lacking, I cursed that I was too damn sober for that. When I did tap Isak’s shoulder, more aware of my slim chances than ever, I was still determined to risk everything. Even if the odds were against me. I touched her warm skin lightly. She didn’t react at first – maybe she was used to people always groping at her at work – but when I ventured to place my whole hand on her shoulder, she turned her head and looked, first down at my hand, and then up into my eyes.

“Isak, it’s wonderful to see you again.” I murmured close to her ear. It wasn’t fair. She was unprepared, and busy chatting up two guys professionally. Her giggly, indolent flirting escaped her features when she saw who I was – and I had the painful satisfaction of witnessing how she lost her composure because of me. For a brief moment her face looked absolutely defenseless. I glimpsed her vulnerability, that I suspected she did her best to hide. But I’d witnessed it when we stupidly talked of marriage and when she begged me.

When she turned around to face me, I was too mesmerised to do anything but gape at her like the oaf I am. Maybe she searched for encouragement in my eyes and didn’t find it – whatever the reason, she took a step back and covered her naked expression with an alluring smile – as if I was one of her tricks.

“Dance with me?”, I asked anyway. If I could only get to be alone with her, I could make her mine. But she turned back around and brought her wineglass to her lips and barely tipped it, just like I’d seen before. Desperately, I took a step closer. I knew I was violating both her and decorum, but I did it anyway. The heat from her thighs seared me, her buttocks just barely grazed my crotch.

And sure as a gun, her pimp showed up again. I expected some intervention from him, but I wasn’t going to back off willingly. Sticking it out was the only way I could think of to show her that I was earnest. Even if it meant being escorted off the premises. I had to make some mark on her mind, sorely regretting that I didn’t make one on her body before. When I had the chance.

Imagine my surprise when the pimp, instead of coming for me, approached Isak nice and quiet, and exchanged a few words with her. The next thing I knew she turned towards me and pointed at the dancefloor. The curly pimp nodded graciously at me, so who was I to object? He turned to her customers, they seemed to discuss something. 

Baby’s On Fire started playing just as Isak took my hand on the dancefloor. She started moving her hips and shoulders to the music – and I was dazed, couldn’t do anything but stand there and gape like a perv. The way she held my gaze didn’t help either. She looked so serious though, not exactly like the mythic happy whore. Maybe that would make saving her easier, if she wasn’t. But all those sexy moves distracted my brain from strategizing. When the light fell on her nipple piercings standing out against the yellow tank top, between those spectacular suspenders, I stopped thinking altogether.

“Please Isak, can I see you alone?” I leaned into her to make myself heard, body, mind, all of me throbbing for eehh, both No. 1 and 2 above. Damn, those nipples of hers – her lip curve – her thighs that were a dick busting football player–Aphrodite crossover. With her slim hips gently squeezed by the black shorts, and fishnet legs disappearing in black converse, she was the wettest of dreams, the hottest of realities.

There was a moment when her wariness seemed to soften, her movements almost stopping after my question. Then the song ended and we stood there, still holding on to each other’s hands. And that’s when the snake of this Eden made it his business to reappear. That’s right, Jonas showed up beside us.

“Issy.” She didn’t answer him immediately, but kept looking up into my eyes. I hardly dared to breathe. There was a gentleness in her voice when she finally heeded him.

“Jonas, I could use a break.” Fucking yes yes yes yes yes!!!! my brain shouted inside my head.

“No you don’t”, this Jonas fiend calmly stated. “Thank the gentleman for the dance. You’re welcome to stay sir, have a pleasant evening here at Yellow Curtains”, he turned to me with a perfunctory smile and crystal hard eyes.

Isak let go of my hand. “Of course. Thank you for the dance … Handsome.” The last word spoken so quietly, I only knew what she’d said through lip reading.

Then she followed Jonas the pimp through the door to the back of the establishment. The two guys were nowhere to be seen. There I stood like a fool with a blunt edge and my heart wrung for Isak. I had lost.

“Hey Even. You alright?”

“No. Yes”, I answered Mikael who had come up to me and laid a hand on my arm.

“So – you know Isak?” he asked while guiding us to a table in a corner, the one where Isak had sat alone at two in the morning.

“Do you know Isak??” I countered, feeling the clash of my old and new world in my guts.

“I do, or did. Haven’t seen her for … five years now. She was in my med school class.”

“What?” This was completely new information to me!

“Yeah. And we hung out some in the university queer club too. Then, it must have been … our fourth year? she dropped out.”

“Wow. Uh, ok ...” My brain tried to process that Mikael, my best pal now slash jerk-off object in high school – had known Isak for years?!

“I don’t know why”, he continued, “since she was one of the top students, and good at the actual job too, which not everyone is, some are just after the paycheck and prestige.”

“Famous last words”, I wedged in. If I’d had a penny for every time Mikke had said that …

“Yea yea.” He rolled his eyes. “Anyway. I tried to reach her after that, but she never called or texted back, so.”

“Fuck that’s ” It was a lot to take in. A new concern started to worry me. “Were you … involved with her?” Mikael flashed me that pretty smile of his.

“No, nothing like that, don’t worry. I was with Kim, remember? And Isak was with that same dude she walked away with just now. Sick eyebrows.”

I let out a bitter scoff. “Jonas. Now acting as her pimp and general asshole.”

“That’s right, Jonas. Yeah, well. Wasn’t healthy back then either, though I don’t think she was … doing that, then.” He raised his well-groomed eyebrows and nodded towards the door they had exited through.

“Something must have happened though. I mean, why else switch what she had going for this? Not that it’s not great if she wants it but. I had a feeling about Jonas and when I saw them tonight, it fucking clicked man.” Mikael pointed his finger at me. If I was looking for reasons to save Isak, here was plenty.

“Ok, I’m going in there.” I stood up with a new alacrity, my wishes and abilities finally going from two blurred, diverging mirages to one crisply defined entity.

“You go bro, call me if you need help”, I heard Mikael shout as I went up to the door. Grabbed the door handle – to no avail because it was locked. Of course. I looked about for other exits but there was only the bathroom and – I went for the bathroom, trying to look casual and not as zealous as I felt.

First thing I noticed inside the restroom was a big window, the same kind as in Isak’s scanty boudoir. I opened it and easily jumped down on the courtyard. Now where was Isak’s window? The courtyard was lined by warehouses except for the bar, and entirely deserted. I recognised the corner where I had not plunged to a certain death, jumping from Isak’s room. But that window was dark. Instead, the light was on in another window, half a story up. I cursed, because it was too high for me to peek into. There was a crack open and I could hear the murmur of voices. My stomach swooped as I realised that Isak could be in there!

My eyes searched frantically for a means to reach up there. I didn’t have to look far. Rolled up against the wall directly below the lighted window was a recycling bin, one of those double-sized that usually hold old newspapers. I wasted no time. Driven by green jealousy, emboldened by scarlet passion I climbed up on it as quietly as possible. I tried to lean on the edges where it would be most stable to stand. There was a drainpipe right by that I could hold on to. It worked perfectly!

The sill wasn’t higher up than my shoulders when I stood erect. I braced myself for what I was about to behold before peering through the crack. And what I saw would make an imprint on my brain. Just like Isak’s fishnet stockings, now discarded on the floor, had imprinted her thighs and buttocks with a red crisscross pattern. One bald, naked guy had one knee up on a bed where Isak was standing on her knees, and was pouring something on her red and white skin from a bottle. Beside the bed stood the other guy whose back was covered by an awesome Tom of Finland tattoo, stroking his cock. And – facing Isak on the bed was Jonas, also standing on his knees. I drew back instinctively so he wouldn’t see me, but then I remembered that I was in the dark and the room was lit by the same kind of blinding fluorescent tube that Isak had accidentally switched on last night.

“Lots of lube”, I heard Jonas order the guy with the bottle, whereupon he squirted something like half the bottle on her cheeks, then spread it all over her buttocks and down her thighs.

“Yeah baby, yeah”, the hunk with the tattoo egged on, and reached out to squeeze and slap her slippery ass, fingers dipping in between her cheeks. I was frozen on the spot. Isak moaned.

“Like that, bitch? Yeah you do”, Jonas leered and grabbed his junk over his pants.

“Hungry for it?” Isak replied something inaudible.

“Can’t hear you”, Jonas demanded.

“Yes Boss.”

Then, Jonas slapped her cheek. My breath caught, and I gripped the edge of the windowsill. Before I could do anything, like barge in and put a stop to something that was hurting Isak, she moaned again, louder this time. Jonas slapped her other cheek, then repeated the motion a few times, and every time I heard the slap, Isak responded with a lustful sound. So – maybe this was ok for her? If her erection was anything to go by, it was. She had her back to me but I could see the darkish tip pointing up between her and Jonas.

I’d never witnessed anything like this irl before. But it turned me on in a second. Isak was the object of all my desires, and seeing her on display while she was enjoying herself was so hot. I couldn’t take my eyes off the scene in front of me. But I kept repeating the mantra “it’s work, she’s working, it’s work, she’s working” to tame the green beast and stop me from barging in to claim Isak like a property, a trophy.

She was breathing heavily now, the two other guys were both just jerking off to what she and Jonas were doing. It seemed Jonas really was the boss in the room then, the others deferring to him.

“Hands and knees”, he ordered. She scooted back as she fell forward on her hands, and as if on cue, both guys stepped closer again and felt her up, let their fingers slide over the slippery skin, from the small of her back, over her perky butt cheeks, all the way down to the back of her knees, and then back up again. Soon their grunts “Fuck bitch”, “Fuck yeah” mixed with Isak’s, as they groped her and tugged at their dicks. My own cock was so overcharged by now I felt as if I was going to come in my pants. I couldn’t touch it though, both my hands were busy holding on to the sill and the drainpipe.

Meanwhile, things progressed inside. Jonas had unzipped and taken out his stiff cock. It wasn’t as pretty and perfectly proportioned as Isak’s, but thick and meaty with a purplish red, swollen glans. It also made my mouth water.

Isak’s head hung low while she submitted to having her backside squeezed, but Jonas grabbed her pretty curls and held her up. “Do your job bitch.” And ok, there was no doubt she was into this. The eagerness she showed as she licked at the head couldn’t be misconstrued. Damn I felt so gay, watching everything play out before me. And also like a kid with no money outside a candy store. But watching my little praline being manhandled was a treat in itself.

“Eat it up like a good bitch”, Jonas went on. When his length gradually was swallowed up inside her mouth, he took a hold of her head with both hands. “That’s it, don’t stop there.” And he pushed her down the remaining part and held her pressed against him. She whimpered into his crotch. “Who’s your boss?” he demanded. “Who’s your boss bitch.” It was like he wasn’t waiting for an answer, he just wanted to assert his dominance in front of his audience.

Again I was torn between jumping in and saving her, and watching.

Then Jonas let her go, pulled her off his cock and she gasped heavily. He slapped her open mouth with his length, then buried it inside again, mouthfucking her.

“Take it bitch”, he panted. And yes, that was hot to watch too. I didn’t quite follow the logic, because – why had Jonas denied Isak to have her fun yesterday, when he had no objections now? Was it only with him that she was allowed to enjoy sex? I did not understand how their relationship worked.

The tatted guy apparently couldn’t stay away any longer. He climbed onto the bed, grabbed Isak’s hips and attacked her with unbridled thrusts up against her cheeks, somehow coaxing his cock in between her oily thighs.

“Aahh yeah, aahhh yeah.” He seemed to be close to busting already, squeezing his fingers into her flesh. The other guy egged him on, fisting himself fast. “Yeah fuck, fuck her.”

“Hey, no fucking!”, Jonas shouted. “Just the thighs, remember.”

“Yeah, yeah”, tatted guy gasped, ramming his cock in between Isak’s thighs. “AAH, fuckkkk!” he groaned with one last thrust, shuddering against Isak’s buttocks before he slumped over her back. “Uuuuhhhhh yeahhhh!!!” the masturbating guy cried out, almost in unison with the other. He stumbled forward while he jacked off his load somewhere across Isak’s midriff. Both of them ended up gasping on the bed.

“Yeah bitch, yeah bitch”, Jonas was still fucking down Isak’s throat. Now and then he pulled out, then thrust inside again to the rhythm of his refrain. Isak had been moaning since the beginning of their session but her movements seemed more repetitive now. Her pussy hadn’t been even considered. And now her pimp was nearing his orgasm, while the guys hadn’t been allowed access, something that could have made my praline feel good about herself.

“Yeah, fuck my cock!” the fiend was growling, thrusting harder into her throat that was angled for his pleasure. The squelching sounds that I was starting to associate with defeat for me and mortification for Isak, brought back my nausea. Was this going to be another humiliating night for me, another betrayal of what my heart told me was the right thing to do? But I couldn’t very well –

A loud crack was heard as the lid I was standing on caved, scary enough for me to cry out like a baby. I clung on to the ledger while I saw Jonas’s head snap up and discover me. I don’t know which of us looked the most caught.

And then the lid gave in completely, plunging me to the bottom of the bin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next, and last, chapter will be up in a couple of days. Please tell me your thoughts!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I straddled my prey and went straight for the jugular. That’s how I felt as I suckled the skin under her jaw as if I craved it. She kept moaning steadily while I pressed her arms down and sucked until my love blossomed scarlet near her Adam’s apple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tags still stand, please mind them.

“It’s the fucking clown again! Issy! How the FUCK did he get here?”

There was no need for me to look up to know who that voice belonged to. Jonas with the angry eyebrows and the sweetest partner. 

Ok – I didn’t plunge, as such. But I sure fell into the bin and landed smack on my ass on the bottom because of course the bin had just been emptied. Fortunately nothing hurt. I just felt a bit jostled, trying to scramble to my feet. But I shivered at the sound of Jonas’s voice. It was dripping with genuine malice. Maybe blue balls didn’t agree with him. 

Finally I peered up and there he was, leaning out of the window, jeering at me. 

“This wanker’s been watching you.” So Isak was still in the room. I was dying to know how she was, if she was alright? I didn’t deign to talk to the bastard, I hated him with every cell in my body. Also, I knew he would make the most of my ungainly acrobatics as I contrived to get out of the bin. 

“Haha, what a fucking loser. Hey twat, get the fuck out or I’ll get security to handle it.” 

I’d found my footing back on the ground, but I stayed where I was. I had no plan what to do next, per usual just running on the instinct to remain as close to Isak as possible. 

I looked up and glared at the dragon of the den, my eyes reflecting the blaze of that sword I was mentally wielding. That staggered the fiend! He couldn’t take more than a moment of my evil eye before he withdrew his head. 

“Suit yourself, fucking wanker.” 

There was some shouting that I couldn’t make out, then a bang. What was going on? I stood there, teeming with anticipation. 

“Hey!” Another halo appeared in the window in front of the bright lamplight, but the soft vibrations of the whispering voice emanating from it made all the difference. 

My beautiful Isak was so close, one second, one magic jump up the wall, one outstretched hand. A hair’s breadth away from me. 

How could I bridge it? 

“Get out!” I didn’t understand the words, couldn’t connect them to my reality. Get out? 

“You mean ‘get up?’” I whispered back. Isak leaned further out. “Nei, dust. He went to get the bouncers! They don’t fuck about, you have to leave now!” she hissed. Awwww, my heart swelled. She was concerned about me! 

But there was no time for small talk, because my foolhardy brain was busy doing a speed-of-the-light equation, where I doubled my velocity in every move. X came out equalling the princess and half the kingdom. 

Once again I searched the squeaky clean courtyard. I just had to find something to help me reach my prize. Everything seemed to have been cleared out – my eyes roved and bingo! A Christiania cargo bike was parked in a corner. I hadn’t seen it before in the dark. That would get me far enough. I lunged over and dragged it back with me. I glanced up to where Isak was watching incredulously. 

“What – no!” she whisper-shouted fiercely. “What are you doing!” 

While the lady protested I swung myself up on the sturdy bike, and balancing on the edge of the box could reach up so my head became level with hers. I grinned in triumph. 

She gaped at me. “Are you for real?! Don’t you care that they’re – coming for you, get back down now!” she sputtered. An agitated Isak was something to behold. Flailing arms, sparkling eyes and a fiery voice escaping between sinful lips. Her clothes were back on, both the fishnet stockings and the cute shorts. The yellow tanktop hadn’t been taken off, it still hugged her chest and showed off the tiny nubs of the nipple bars. 

It was all I could do to stop staring and start acting. 

“Shhhh princess, I’m not leaving without you this time”, I promised like a true alfa and hoisted myself up so I could sit on the sill and swing my legs into the room. Which, thankfully, was empty except for Isak. 

“Aagghh!” she stomped her foot vigorously and threw her arms in the air. “You can’t come in here now. He’s after you, take my word for it.” She looked scared for real, my lemony zest. 

There was a small clutch bag lying on a chair, she grabbed it and fished something out. 

“Here, take it. Go across the corridor, down the stairs, first door to the left. Hurry the fuck up.” 

I stared down at a key, suddenly deprived of my rescue mission. Isak walked over to the door and creaked it open. 

“Coast is clear”, she whispered. “Go! For my sake, go”, she pleaded so earnestly that I was out the door in a flash. Across the corridor dwelling in the shadows was an old stone spiral staircase. I ran towards it just as I heard someone talking at the other end of the corridor. A loud, angry voice. Jonas. 

I flew down the narrow stairs, praying he hadn’t seen me. But no one seemed to come after me, so I hoped Isak would be spared – spared what, I could only imagine. 

When I reached the foot of the stairs in the basement, it was pitch dark. Fuck. I groped my way along a passage where my fingers found a metal door to the left. I stopped to listen, but not a sound travelled down here. I used the key to open the door and snuck inside as quietly as possible. 

The moon cast her shadows tonight too, this time through a small window close to the ceiling, revealing the outline of a room with a bed, and some other stuff that I couldn’t make out. I didn’t dare to search for a light, so I went over and sat on the bed. 

Now what? 

My phone buzzed in my pocket. It was a text from Mikael. 

All ok? Want help? 

I tapped a quick reply. 

Im ok 

U all still here?

Yea but maybe moving on 

If u r ok?

Im ok 

Pls check yr phone though, if things change

U w Isak? 

I wavered for a second. 

Yep 

Which earned me eggplants and cactuses to last me a lifetime.

I sent a thumbs up. Hoping I wasn’t jinxing anything. 

I sighed impatiently, nervously, the smell of cellar damp filling my nostrils. The cover I sat on felt damp too. This was the third dingy room I’d seen at the back of this bar. I felt ashamed of my own middle-class privileged situation. The question whirring in my mind of course being why Isak was here. 

Her fate was a mystery. Why was she, a former med student, in this bar, apparently under the thumb of a real bastard? I didn’t understand the sex either. Did she want to be smacked? Or was she just so dependent on Jonas that she went along with whatever he wanted to do to her? The no fucking doctrine also puzzled me, what was up with that? 

And why was that sex such a turn-on to watch? 

I was getting restless, wondering what happened up there. I got up, almost set on returning upstairs for lack of chill. But then there was a scratching sound at the door. I plunged forward and opened it. 

“Hi.” Isak entered and closed the door behind her. In the semi darkness the outline of her shoulders appeared broader and squarer. Her strength and fragility were both so evident. I wanted to feel both, hold her and be held. 

I settled for gently squeezing her arm while guiding her to the bed. 

We sat down, and she reached over to light a floor lamp by the bed, its deep red, fringed shade bathing us both in a rosy glow. Looking at Isak was becoming a favourite pastime, noticing how her hue changed in different lights, how snugly the top and the black shorts sat on her, how the soft, pearly reflection of her thighs was interrupted by the graphic crisscross of her stockings. The number 1 on my list of what I wanted to do to her still stood. 

“Is it safe?” I asked, nodding towards the lamp. My hand found hers. She turned her palm up, and that alone made my pulse beat faster. She bent down to unlace her converse with one hand. 

“Yeah it’s safe. I told him I needed to get some rest. He’s gone out to eat with those guys. They’ll probably make a night of it so he won’t be back.” She toed off her shoes and tucked one leg under her. 

“I’m sorry I messed up. I hope he didn’t take it out on you?“ 

“No, don’t worry. But he doesn’t like you.” She giggled softly. “No, that’s obvious”, I agreed. “What if he gets suspicious?” I glanced up at the window. If I could peek, so could he. But she made a dismissive gesture. 

“Oh, there’s a shrubbery out there. With thorns. No one can look, please don’t worry. He’s out with the guys from Narvik.” 

I just had to trust her on this, she would know I guess. Momentarily relieved, I lifted her hand and gave it a peck. 

“I’m so happy to see you.” She let me fondle her hand. “You are?” I looked into her eyes. “Yes.” 

Her gaze didn’t waver, she didn’t fidget or make some smart-ass remark, the way she had before. Despite the urgency within me, I tried to breathe in her quiet and the stillness of the room. 

“Are you ok?” She nodded. 

“Were you hurt up there, with those three guys?” But she shook her head. “No”, she said with her eyes cast down, shifting a bit where she sat. “Well, a little, but … “ She shrugged. 

“You don’t want to talk about it?” She took a breath. “Yeah I do, but it’s kind of complicated. My relationship with Jonas isn’t good, but I … “ she looked away. “I like the dom play.” I could barely hear her. She cleared her throat. “It’s just that we don’t communicate well over it.” 

I squeezed her hand. “Translating that to: he doesn’t tend to your needs”, I suggested. 

“Not all of them, no.” Hot anger rippled through me. I wanted to spell it out. “So he hits you but he doesn’t fuck you.” 

She sighed. “When you put it like that it sounds bad. It’s not that I don’t like the … slapping and humiliation, I do. It’s part of the whole experience. But yeah. He won’t go along with stuff that I want him to do. Sometimes I want things too, and the role playing shouldn’t – should allow that. At least that’s what I think.” 

My instinct was to scoop Isak up in my arms and carry her away from this dump, devoting my life to fulfill all her wishes to a tee. But she wasn’t my Tamagotchi doll to play with (which by the way was another thing that shouldn’t turn me on). I decided to cut to the chase. 

“Look Isak, princess. You don’t have to say anything, I respect your integrity if you don’t want to talk to me. But – is this life, this job and relationship, something you chose yourself? Is it what you want?” 

She chuckled, but it wasn’t a happy sound. “Many layers to that question, Handsome.” 

“I’ll be honest with you” I said. “Earlier, when we were dancing, my friend saw you. And he recognised you.” 

She froze and stared at me. “What?!” 

“You don’t have to be afraid, he won’t tell anyone. I trust him, ok? He’s my best friend.” My thumb stroked the back of her hand. “Don’t worry. I only mentioned it because he told me something.” 

“Who is he? What did he say?” she asked in alarm. 

“Mikael Øverlie Boukhal, he was in your class at uni.” 

“Oh fuck. I knew it!” she groaned into her palms that she hid her face with. 

My eyebrows went up. “You knew?” 

“No, I mean, I knew someone would see me, in the end”, she corroborated hastily. 

“Oh. Well, like I said, don’t worry about Mikael.” I dared to touch her face, run my finger from her cheekbone down to her chin, and gently cup her jaw. Then I couldn’t resist pressing my thumb against her bottom lip, it looked so voluptuous. I noticed how she shivered in response. That gave me the courage to close the distance, press my lips against hers, and when she let out a small whimper, I nipped at her pretty upper lip, then gave her small pecks that woke up my dick again. Maybe hers stirred too, because she gasped so prettily. But then she drew back with a demure smile. 

“Mikael is really cute though. Sure he’s just a friend?” 

I laughed. “I don’t know if you’re jealous or if you’re trying to make me jealous by saying he’s cute. Mikael really is just a friend.” My nose nudged hers. “I confess I asked him the same about you.” 

She looked so relieved and gave me a smile that was even more beautiful than the last one. I egged her on with more eskimo kisses, breathing hotly on her skin and she responded in kind. That led to more kissing where I tipped up her head and her lips parted so I could assail them with the pecks again. I don’t know which turned me on more, the kissing or her soft moans. She was so responsive to my touches. 

“You’re killing me Isak, you’re the prettiest, sexiest, hottest”, I panted between kissing down her jaw and smooth neck. Reaching her collarbone I started nibbling at it. 

“Aahh, please”, she moaned. “Don’t … don’t bite, don’t mark me.” 

With a giant effort I ripped myself away from her skin, anger trembling within me. From which primate abyss my hoarse words came from, I don’t know, but I found myself gripping her upper arms. 

“You’re mine now Isak. Mine to mark and fuck, and that’s what I’m gonna do. Gonna mark you for mine.” And I pushed her down on the bed, expecting some resistance. But there was none, her spine had turned to jelly, she just sunk back and let me pin her arms above her head, while she whined and whimpered quietly. 

When she told me that she liked the dynamics of role playing I felt more free to explore that, see if she could like it with me. She apparently liked what Jonas did. She just didn’t like what he didn’t do. 

I straddled my prey and went straight for the jugular. That’s how I felt as I suckled the skin under her jaw as if I craved it. She kept moaning steadily while I pressed her arms down and sucked until my love blossomed scarlet near her Adam’s apple. 

“Fuck, Handsome”, she breathed and just like last time, I felt her hips stutter behind me. I resumed to bite over her collarbone, drooling and nibbling and marking it up so there soon were two garish proofs of my devotion. I sat up, releasing her arms. 

“Take off your top baby, let me see your lovely tits.” Her lemony top came off swiftly and I dove down to her cute nipples with the dainty bars. 

“Keep your arms over your head like a good girl” I ordered and proceeded to work my teeth over and around her hard, eager nubs. My fangs made imprints across her milky chest, in the soft musky hollows of her armpits, red dots appearing wherever I had sunk them into her skin. Each time I bit her, she groaned and writhed on the bed. 

“Aahh, ooohh, yes”, she spurred me on. I sat up again to admire my work. “Like that princess?” I cooed, pulling at her barbells. 

“Stop it Handsome, aahh, quit or i’m gonna come!” The idea of properly introducing myself to her flew swiftly through my head, but this wasn’t the moment for that. And I still liked Handsome. “You can come just from this?” I asked incredulously. “Mm feels like it” she writhed against me. 

So in answer to her plea, I leaned down to kiss her, using tongue this time. She let me tongue-fuck her while I pulled and twisted the bars and pinched her nipples. 

“Why don’t you princess, hm?” I egged her on between kisses. “We have the whole night.” I felt her movements go frantic behind me while she made room for my tongue far back in her mouth. Seconds later she tensed up and let out a long groan while I kissed her, deepened to baryton as she let go. The way her persona spanned over so much drove me absolutely wild. 

“Fuck, oh fuck. I came in my shorts”, she giggled, rolling her head back in carefree resignation. 

“Your super sexy shorts.” I kissed her cheek and squeezed her thigh. ”Long time coming, was it?” 

She looked up at me, all flushed and spent and pretty. “No, not really.” 

“So he lets you come, then? It’s not just about him?” I didn’t want to even utter the name of her pimp. 

“Oh that. Uh, no, he doesn’t, usually. But I can get off on my own, in here. But yeah, I don’t often come with someone else.” 

“I don’t understand”, I said, trying to focus on our talk and not the heated tickling of thighs in fishnet against my palm. “It’s so cruel. How can he do that to you?” I kissed her lips, happy that she seemed so relaxed with me. She frowned. 

“Yeah, well. I thought about it, and I think he just – wants to say no to me. It’s as if he likes to have that control over me, not letting me have my way. And it’s not role playing, it’s just – him.” 

“That’s sick behaviour. I – I don’t want you to live like this, princess.” An urge to hold her forever welled up within me. That scared me, because – what if it was no different from Jonas’s urge to “take care of” her? What if I ended up controlling her too? 

She reached up to cradle my face in her hands. “Thank you for saying that, Handsome. Let’s not get into that now. On the subject of coming”, she glanced down at my hand on her thigh, and shifted her legs a bit, “we’ve some unfinished business, haven’t we?” 

My skin suddenly felt thin. “You’re not business to me, Isak. You’re –“ 

She interrupted me by placing her hand on my chest and pecking my lips. “You’re not business. You’re not.” 

I pressed my head in the angle between her neck and shoulder, while trying to harbour my fragile heart and her not-so committed stance – if I was reading her correctly. I was just so fucking turned on right now, I could tuck my broken heart away for tonight. Compartmentalise. 

Meanwhile, I could feel her thighs parting. “Can you do stuff? It’s not too soon?” 

“Yeah, I want to. What do you want to do?” She tucked a lank of hair behind my ear. 

“I want to worship you, princess.” I scooted down her body and breathed in her scent while I kissed my way down. I opened her shorts. “Fuck, I’m a mess I’m afraid”, she chuckled. I gently pressed my face against her crotch over the shorts. “You smell of sex.” Then I pulled them off her. 

“Oh fuck.” I couldn’t hold back a growling sound at the vision of her slim hips and muscly, shapely thighs in the fishnet pantyhose. And they were open crotch, so there was a hole for me to access her lacey thong underneath. “Fuck Isak, I’m a dead man.” She let out low, giggly sounds. Like sparkling wine going up the bottleneck once the cork was off. 

I didn’t want to touch her cock just yet, seeing as she’d just shot off a load. Her soft belly glistened from it, and she wiped it away with the discarded tank top. “Turn over for me baby.” She rolled over so my breath could hitch once again at the inviting open crotch and open ass pantyhose. “Fuck, the things I want to do to you”, I breathed hoarsely. “Open your thighs.” 

She stretched out like a naughty kitten, arms above her head, thighs apart so I could sit on my knees between them. “You’re red from the spanking earlier”, I commented, my hand brushing the pinkish hue on her buttocks. She whimpered, and I drew back. “So, no touching there?” 

“Yes! I want you to touch me there”, she mumbled down into the cover. 

“Yeah?” I gave her a squeeze. “Oooohh, yeah, Handsome. Feels so good”, she encouraged me hotly. So I bent down and licked the skin – then bit her once. 

“Aaahhhh fuck!!!! Fuck me, yeah.” Her whole body winced as she moaned into the mattress. 

“Oh fuck Isak, fuck!” My cock was almost bursting through my pants, so I stood up and took them off, as well as my boxers. 

“Heyyyy”, she greeted my swinging, iron hard dick.” Come here.” I went up to her. “Careful, I don’t want to come yet”, I warned. 

“Just a quick taste then”, she promised, and how could I say no. 

She just shuffled her head to the edge of the bed. I bent my legs to rest the tip on her lips, pulling back the foreskin. “Give it a lick then” and she did, traced her tongue slowly round the glans a couple of times before encompassing the head, suckling it, hollowing her cheeks. After only a minute, my groins started to buzz alarmingly. It was just too intense. 

“Oooh that’s enough”, I pulled back pretty swiftly before we got too far, ruffling her shiny curls. “So good baby. You have some lube maybe?” 

I was bent on doing what the two guys upstairs had done to her backside. 

“Drawer”, she pointed at her bedside table. I took out a jar and opened it. 

“Hands and knees now.” She got up, her bare, round ass on display, encircled by the black line of her stockings. Presenting just for me. “That’s it, you’re a good girl.” 

Standing over her, there was something feral in the way she surrendered to me, something that evoked the usurper that I usually never unleashed. Excess saliva gathered in my mouth, I swallowed it down. I wanted to devour her. 

But first, I gave her ass a smack, bewitched by her quivering buttocks. She hummed in appreciation, curving her back in a feline motion, spreading her knees for better balance. 

“Uh-uh, princess. Arch your back for me.” She did, and that made her cheeks spread deliciously. I smacked – she moaned, I smacked again – she howled. I swatted a third time. 

“Uhhh!!” she cried sharply. And then I faltered. 

“Are you sure you want this, Isak?” 

“Mm yea I do.” She was rocking from side to side, as if in a trance. I still felt unsure, this was so new for me. “Ok but what about a safe word?” 

“Yeah sure, I’ll say Red if I want you to stop.” Safe word in place, I caressed her cheeks, and felt the thong deeper inside her crack. She shivered when I pulled at it. Then I smacked her a few times across both her cheeks, and for every smack, she replied with a loud moan, or just steady humming. 

If her skin was pinkish when we started, it was an angry scarlet by now. 

We were both out of breath. “You’re so sexy I’m near busting just looking at you”, I confessed. My hand smoothed along her back that was a little damp from the exertion. “Are you ok, princess?” She chuckled. “Ja, so ok.” 

I kissed the small of her back while hooking my fingers inside her pantyhose I asked if I could take them off. I tried to peel them off gently and not scratch her sore skin. 

“Can I spread some lube on your backside?” She giggled because I was copying the guys upstairs exactly, so far. What can I say, I’m only human. I wanted what they had had. So I squirted a fair amount of the oil-based lube on her ass, and started by gently applying it over the sore parts. “This ok?” She started breathing heavier again. “Mhm.” One lubed-up hand dipped between her buttocks, and she hissed. “Still ok?” I asked. She spread her legs further. 

I remembered yesterday so vividly. “Can I touch your pretty pussy, Isak?” at which she groaned and arched her back again. “Yeah Handsome, yes. please.” I gathered some more lube around my fingers and felt for her pussy underneath the thong. Everything was so slippery, and what with not looking and the thong in the way, I didn’t know when I’d found it. But I could tell Isak did. Suddenly she threw her head back, her curls flowing across her shoulders. “Mmm yes, ah yeah, fuck me.” 

But I slid my hand further down. “I will. Not yet though.” Her disappointed whining made me feel quite honoured actually, it told me that she was ok with showing me what she wanted. 

My fingers pressed gently, gliding back and forth along her perineum. And that elicited a new kind of moan from her, one with deeper resonance. “Ohhhh, fuck, fuck, feels so good”, she chanted. “I’m so hard again, hard for you Handsome”, she moaned almost helplessly. It made my heart twice as big, but my dick was also very interested. I felt my way past her scrotum and yep, there was that delicious cock, hard and smooth to my touch. 

“Can I just do one thing princess?” I asked. “Sure, do whatever you want with me”, she replied readily. 

I couldn’t keep my hands away from her supple thighs. “Ok. Lie down baby, tuck a pillow under you, can you do that?” She took one of her pillows and wedged it under her hips. On my knees beside her I spread lube across her thighs, so smooth to the touch, also adding some more to her ass. Then I bent down to nibble the soft skin, starting at the back of her knees. She grunted as she felt my fangs prick her skin again. “Oh yeah, mm. Mark me Handsome.” There was that deep barytone again. Oh fuck. 

I moved my way up, nipping at the skin so densely and fast that she started to buck her hips at the feeling. It seemed to turn her on more and more, the further up I got, the more indentations I gave her. I licked over every bite. The lube tasted vanilla, so I made a lame joke in my head about it being the only thing vanilla in this room. 

When I reached her cheeks she was constantly moaning and saying my name. “Ah, ah, ah, Handsome, ah, yeah, ah.” Then “Hold on.” 

I stopped. “Do you mean Red? Should I stop?” “Eh, no, that’s not what I meant”, she chuckled huskily. “I meant it feels so good, and I don’t want to come yet.” 

Oh. She didn’t want to come yet, because she wanted to save it for later, for what she was longing for. 

“Oh baby, of course.” I kissed her shoulder. The word Love entered my head again, uninvited in this intensely physical moment. 

My slippery fingers pulled off her thong, though I had to unhook it from her diamond hard-on first. “Will you be a good girl then, spread your cheeks for me? She obliged so readily as if she had been waiting to do just that. I sat behind her and watched her grab her buttocks and spread them open for me. My fingers slid over her entry, her sensitive pussy, up and down. “Oh yeah, oh yeah”, she babbled at my touch. “Yeah? Want me to fuck you princess? Make you mine?” I went on, touching, cajoling and she whimpered in reaction to both. 

“S’alright, you can let go now” I told her, and then I lay down so my head was right over her ass. I parted her cheeks myself and buried my face in her cleft. I kissed the skin around her pussy, then licked over it like I had done yesterday, and it felt just as sensational now. My tongue felt her opening, and prodding her sphincter I entered her. 

Her constant whimper changed, her voice fluctuating to mirror my actions. I could feel her pussy tensing and relaxing around my tongue as I rimmed her, tasted her where she was most vulnerable. Her responses to everything I did were incredible, weaving a cord from her to me that felt strong enough to hold us together, come what may. But I tried to focus on the here and now, and not let the future darken the present. 

“Want you to fuck me now Handsome”, she gasped. Want to be yours. Make me yours.” 

Her devotion made me proud as a peacock, my blade impossibly sharper. I kissed her butt cheek. 

“Oh I will princess. I’ll make you mine.” I reached for the lube. “I’ll fuck you so good, fill you up. Just be a good girl and – “ One lubed-up finger went gingerly into her. 

“Yeah fuck, fuck me”, she babbled. “Feels good?” I thrust further inside her. 

“Fuck, feels so good. Ah Handsome, can’t believe you’re doing this to me. Ooohh yeah.” 

“You’re so pretty princess, so fucking hot.” I plunged my finger, fucked her with it. 

“Ah, one more, one more please.” She’d parted her thighs so I had full disclosure and could watch my finger go inside her. I added one more. “Yeah Daddy, take me, fuck yeah.” 

Well fuck me. I’d never been called Daddy before. It felt so natural though, coming from her. Her submission was such a turn-on, I wanted nothing more than to make her mine. Own her, have her cave to me, take care of her. Inside her I spread my fingers, scissoring them to make room for me. 

“Just let me know when you feel ready for me princess.” 

“I’m ready”, she panted. Yes! this was it – I throbbed in anticipation to give her what she wanted. I pulled my fingers out of her and she sat up. 

Without further ado she took out a condom from her drawer. Squinting up at my angry red cockhead hovering over her, she asked if she should suck me off. But I declined the offer. I wouldn’t have lasted long. “Just put it on baby.” So she just kissed the tip and rolled on the condom. 

The way she rolled it on so expertly and then made it slick with lube was, suddenly, a chilling reminder of the realities outside our little playground. Her attachment to Jonas, her choice to stay and work for him over having an independent career and a steady income, all of that was … mind boggling. And I only wanted to stay in this womblike universe with the love of my life. In here, that’s what she was, playing that part so well that I was fooled with my eyes open. 

When she was done, she held my hand and kissed my fingers, then took two of them in her mouth and sucked at them. “Can you taste yourself?” I asked. We both moaned when her cheeks sucked me in. “You really like having things in your mouth, don’t you”, I muttered. Pulling my fingers out, I tipped down her chin with my thumb. “Open.” She let her jaw down. Those inviting, parted lips enticed me to kiss her deeply, my tongue reaching down her throat. 

My cock was aching for her more than ever. “Isak, you’re killing me. Get up on your knees again.” 

I went to kneel beside her and spread some more lube in her crack, and some inside her too. 

“I’ll go slow baby, tell me if it hurts.” 

I parted her buttocks and lined up. “Mm Daddy”, she hummed, arching her back bravely. I pushed the swollen head inside – and the intense feeling of having it squeezed by her rim made me gasp out loud. When her sphincter expanded, Isak cried out. “Oh! Oh!” I held it there. “Hurts baby?” 

“Yes!” she breathed quick and shallow. “Wait.” A couple of seconds later I could feel her relaxing. “Go on.” Slowly, slowly I advanced one centimeter. “Ah. Mm.” I could hear how she concentrated on taking me. “Ok baby?” 

“Mm yeah. Oh fuck. Fuck you’re bigger than my dildos”, she chortled. There was a moment of vertigo when I tried to make sense of what she said. Because I’d seen Jonas’s dick and it was definitely thicker than mine (not longer though). So – why didn’t she compare me to that? Was it even possible that he never fucked her?” Their relationship was a mystery. 

I switched my inner vision to one where Isak fucked herself with a toy. “Hah, one day I want to watch you with a dildo babe.” 

“Go on, don’t stop” she urged. I pushed in a couple of centimeters further. “Nghh!” 

“Feels ok?” “Yeah.” She sounded calmer now. I pulled out and added more lube, then pushed inside again. “Fuck that feels so good!”, she moaned this time when her sphincter widened. “Your pussy takes me so good, so good princess", I gabbled. I pushed a bit further inside. 

“Yeah Daddy, fuck me now.” Her voice was so husky, so deep. I pushed on till I had shoved myself all the way in. 

“Uuhh!!!” Her arms gave in, she fell down on the bed and hugged her pillow with a hoarse, outstretched moan. 

We were as close as we could ever be. My cock buried inside her, loins and thighs pressed into her buttocks and thighs – the thrill was so acute that I had to focus on being gentle to her, so as not to come already. 

“Fuck baby. You ok?” She just nodded. I waited, soothing her hips and buttocks, her back and thighs with my hands. “Want to take a break?” She shook her head. “Daddy?” 

“Yes angel?”

“Fuck me.” I snorted. “Ok. You sure?” 

“Yeah, so fucking horny for you now. Fuck me.” 

I gripped her hips and pulled out to the head. Then I fucked back inside, all the way in. 

“Oh god, oh fuck yes!” I did it again.” “Ah! don’t stop.” So I didn’t. I rammed my cock into her, holding her hips in a vice-like grip. “Mm yea, take me Daddy, take me rough now”, she begged. 

“Yeah princess? You a whore for my cock?” She brought out a beast in me and the pleasure heightened as I let go. “Fucking take it, whore.” She moaned even louder when I called her that, as if the intensity of her pleasure found a better match in rough handling. I increased the speed, fucking her hard and fast, and by now she was wailing. 

One of my hands gripped her curls at the back of her head. “Get up on your arms, whore.” When she got up I could yank her head back by pulling her hair. I imagined her exposed neck and it made me my thrusts even deeper. A few more thrusts and I hadn’t been able to stop myself from orgasming. 

I pulled out of her to not make that happen. We were both sweating and breathing hard. “On your back now”, I instructed. She slumped down and tumbled over on her back. 

Her flushed face was beautifully wrecked. I had done that to her, had made my imprint so deep that she would never be the same again. My delusion made her and me bleed together, my own deeply marked self was externalised to her dishevelled features. 

“You’re so lovely Isak.” I kissed her moist, hot lips. Her chest was strewn over with red dots after I went berserk over her. I kissed my way down, only softly pecking her nipples, lest they were sore from earlier, then further down across her graphic sixpack. When I got to her beautiful, stiff cock, I nosed along the shaft and kissed the tip. Then, without asking for permission, I let her sink all the way in. 

“Fuck!!” She hadn’t expected that, apparently. I could take her down to the root, she filled me up deliciously. I bobbed my head and savoured her taste. It was better than anything I’d ever had in my mouth. I popped off to praise her. “Mmm princess, I give you three Michelin stars.” 

She laughed. “Dork.” 

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt this elated, this carefree and powerful. 

Isak squished my face between her thighs. “Fuck me Daddy?” Yep, carefree and powerful. 

I slicked up the condom and her pussy with new lube. “There, baby, open up for Daddy.” She grabbed the back of her knees up at her shoulders. That was so hot that I had an even better idea as I lined up at her entrance again. “Can you get your legs up, over my shoulders?” 

She laughed as if I was being ridiculous, because of course she could do that, and easily hooked her legs up. It was thrilling to feel how my movement forward made her open up even more, expose herself fully.

Entering her from this angle was even more exquisite. I could watch her face react when I fucked her, see her eyes flutter, her mouth twitch. “Hands above your head”, I panted. How she obeyed me and threw her pale arms over her head was so sexy, so submissive. My erection turned to steel at her exposure, plowing into her yielding body. 

“Oh fuck fuck!!! Her eyes suddenly flew up from their half-lidded, pleasure-drunk state and sparked in amazement. “Right there, right there uuuuhhh!” 

I tried to maintain the angle so I could keep rubbing against her prostate. There was a steady, keening sound in her throat as I fucked her. Then her eyes focused on me again. “Slap me”, she breathed. 

Oh. I had a flash vision of a docile Isak in front of Jonas, taking slap after slap, echoing each one with a loud moan. My balls tightened, my groin buzzed with excitement. 

I didn’t want to be another Jonas to her. But she seemed to really mean it, and it had been so hot to watch. So I leaned over on one arm and lifted the other to gently slap her cheek. 

That only resulted in the same patronising smile I got yesterday when I asked permission to come down her throat. 

“Harder. Doesn’t have to be very hard. But I want to feel it.” I tried again, slapped with a little more force, so there was a smacking sound. And the reaction was immediate. 

“Oh yeah, oh yeah Daddy, do it again. I’m gonna come if you do that.” Her rapture was so hot that I could say the same, I was gonna come if I did that to her again. 

I raised my hand and slapped her other cheek, with the back of my hand. She whined so enticingly that the need for more friction became imminent. I raced up my thrusts and slapped her a bit harder once, twice. “Uh!” She moaned so loud that I stopped for a second in terror, but then I remembered that Jonas had left the building. 

Something so beautiful and responsive beneath me made me scared again, of my own ferocity. But the fervour in her eyes matched every bit of my hunger. It set me free to feel the firecrackers in my thighs and belly shoot white-hot arrows to my cock, when her muscle clenched around it. 

Slapped her again, right and left, right and left. Did I mention my ferocity? It was surpassed by hers when extasy took over and dismantled her grace and loveliness. Her parted lips twitched, her eyes bored into mine, helplessly intense when she accepted my blows, the stinging, the flared-up skin. Arms in surrender above her head, eyes never leaving mine, she let out a long, strained groan as she reached orgasm for the second time tonight. “Aaaahhhhhh!!” Her body spasmed again and again, arching up towards me. 

Seconds after, I think it was her coming that tipped me over the edge, my hard thrusts punctuating her wailing, I fucked right into her vulnerability, into her wrecked bliss. “Isaaaaaaak!!” I cried out, buried within her, drowning inside her, yet clinging to her as if she was my only rescue. 

The strength of my climax erased me, like a sand mandala by a wind gust. But I managed to pull out before I collapsed on the bed beside her.

We both lay panting, catching our breaths in that rather stuffy room. I was dripping with sweat, and Isak almost as much. After everything we had done, felt, tasted, smelt, my mind remained a merciful blank, even as she took me to her bathroom inside another steel door, hidden behind a crimson velvet curtain. We were both too spent to do anything but stand under the spraying water for a while. When we’d dried off, Isak took out some Fanta cans from a cabinet and we returned to the bed, both of us leaning against the headboard with the covers pulled up halfway. 

In this fucked-out state I’d be sorely tempted to roll up and get high if there was a chance to, but apparently there wasn’t. Instead we sipped our soda like we were twelve. 

When we’d emptied the soda cans, I scooted closer to her. I started to worry about what could happen next for us. The walls of our Princess – Daddy universe were unravelling. “Lie down for a bit?” We slipped further down the bed, covers still reaching over our hips. 

I tried to comfort myself by stroking her skin when loneliness came and sat on my chest, shed its dry tears where we touched. My hand over her heart sensed the life I was separated from. 

The way she curled into me nearly broke the tear-filled vessel I had instead of a heart, that thin-glassed vial in her hand. I turned towards her, shifting so she could snuggle up against me. 

There was no time to muck about, to lose contact with our essence. My fingers tangled in her hair. “I hate to leave.” It had a will of its own. Her jutting shoulder was too beautiful to touch if I were never to see it again. 

Her hand crept up between us, took a gentle hold of my chin. “You have your life Handsome.” It wasn’t said to comfort, but with a furtive glance up at me. “You have a name.” Her hand fell back. 

I huffed but didn’t comment. Not now. What was the point in telling her of what she called “my life”, of Sonja’s and my breakup? Even if Isak had been the catalyst – it wouldn’t have happened today if I hadn’t met her – she wasn’t the reason we did it. Me and Sonja were. 

And Isak was with Jonas. Fact. Why would I grovel even deeper in the dirt, beg her on my knees to leave Jonas and come with me? Better to leave her with the impression of Handsome, in a relationship™. Someone she could respect. Not the lithium-addicted wanker that I normally was. 

So I let my tears fall. Because what the fuck. Here I was, falling for someone who, in a dark and destructive way, belonged to another. Someone who didn’t, after all, want to be saved. The bitter tears dissolved the metal of my self-confidence. 

In an instinctive gesture, she placed her palm against my wet cheek. “Even, don’t -“ 

We both froze. Both our eyes widened, and she swallowed drily. “- cry.” 

She jerked back with a white face, staring at me with those pretty eyes, her mouth open in dismay. The expression was exactly the same as when Jonas had barged in on us. 

My own alarm at being busted paled beside hers. In an attempt to soothe her I reached out, but she rolled away from me, over on her stomach and hid her face. “Oh fuck.” 

“Hey, relax Isak. It’s ok baby. I mean, I’m the one who didn’t say my name. I’m the busted one, not you.” She simply groaned. 

“So – you know my name?!” I concluded. She nodded into the pillow. And then I realised. “Mikael?” 

“Yes”, came her muffled reply. “No.” 

I chuckled. “Ok? Want to tell me? I’m not mad or anything. Why would I be?” 

She sat up on her knees, and now her face was blushing pink. “I – knew who you were when you came up to me yesterday”, she mumbled without looking at me. I sat up too, and in a stupid, futile gesture reached for my shirt and draped it over her shoulders. The white cotton with black seam details suited her. What wouldn’t. 

“I saw you at uni. First time together with Mikke, in the café." 

And I was bowled over. “You did?! I never saw you! I’d have remembered, for sure.” 

“I wasn’t as femme-presenting then. Or I was, but it was more subtle I guess”, she explained. “And I only saw you that one time. I don’t think you saw me at all, you were focused on Mikke.” She took a breath. 

“But then … do you remember having a talk in Mikke’s class? In a seminar about …” 

My still sensitive stomach made a violent flip. I swallowed and closed my eyes. Like the curtain to my little performance as a normal person. “You were there?” 

“Yeah I was.” She threw me a side glance. “I liked the way you talked about it, your condition. The humanity of it all?” 

I scoffed. Of all the things she could have focused on about me having a chronic mental health condition – she liked the “humanity” of it?? Why wasn’t she disgusted, or freaked out? I just wanted to bolt out like I had done last time.

“Are you ok?” she searched my face. 

“Eh, I don’t know. Suddenly dethroned I think.” She laid a hand over mine. “You’re not dethroned to me.” To say I was sceptic was an understatement. “Ok?” 

She drew up her knees to her chin. “No but, the way you accepted it and how you kinda allowed it to be there, and your confidence that it will pass every time. I don’t know”, she shrugged, “it was impressive. And endearing.” She gave me that sweet, coy smile I could never get enough of. 

“Wow.” I shook my head in total disbelief. “I was so nervous at that talk, I hardly remembered what I said afterwards, much less now. That must have been the reason I didn’t even notice you. Total blackout.”. I tried not to sound bitter. “Thank you for telling me, I wish I had seen you too back then.” Fuck. It was hard not to obsess about what I’d had been so close to five years ago, and too blind to see. 

But my own regrets faded into the background when I saw her look so pensive with her chin resting on her knees. 

“So you were still at med school then?” 

“Mm, yeah I quit not long after you had that talk actually.” She hugged her legs. I longed to wrap my arms around her, kiss away that forlorn look. But I had no idea if she would like that now, after the fucking. What were we? 

“Why did you quit? Mikael had nothing but praise for you.” 

“Oh …”, she hesitated. “Everything just got too much. My pappa – he lost it. He’s an alcoholic and when mamma said she wanted to divorce him he freaked out. He – went berserk with a rifle.” Utterly aghast I reached out to touch her. This was horrible. “Baby.” 

“No one was at home, so no one was hurt. Except mamma’s expensive paintings. And then he was admitted.” She sighed. 

“But the thing is, he’s also the one who’s been there for me, you know? I think he loves me, really. So I felt lost without him, when he freaked out like that.” 

“I can see that.” I ventured to stroke her cheek. Her eyes squeezed shut as she went on with a monotonous voice, as if just wanting to get it over with. 

“And mamma’s never really taken to me. I think she likes my sister though. I’m the boring one.” There was a mirthless chuckle. “She once said to my sister ‘Isak is like a glass of water’.” She looked so – rejected, saying that. As if she had been wiped out by her creator. “Like a grey mouse. Unlike Lea. Lea's always fun and colourful.” 

Her words hit me like a sucker punch. The parallel to what Sonja had said earlier was so daunting. This had to be a sign of some kind; two beautiful people suffering the loss of colour in their lives. One I couldn’t help, unless setting her free to find her way back to her rainbow counted as help. 

And what if I couldn’t help the other lovely individual either? What if she was incurably shackled to Jonas, whose purpose seemed to be to deny her her life? I tried to breathe the panic away, tried to not despair. “Isak.” I raised her chin with my finger, and did my best to convey my words with all the honesty I felt. “You have colours, as many and as much as you can wish for. Everything else is a lie. I – you only need help to see them.” She dipped down and kissed my hand. “Thank you.” 

“Anyway – it’s kind of a bummer ‘cause mamma is a teacher at med school, and that was never easy. She more or less said I wasn’t cut out to be a doctor. But when pappa lost it – I just couldn’t do it anymore. I got behind with my exams and felt like a failure, like she knew I was all along. And I know I sound pathetic, ‘love yourself’ and all that. It just feels like such a scam when it comes to me.” 

“Oh Isak.” Overwhelmed, I didn’t know what to do other than keep touching her lightly, let her know I was there with smoothing strokes down her back and up across her shoulders. I wanted to keep it non-intimate, not take advantage of the situation. 

“But – what about Jonas? Were you with him then, when you quit med school?” 

“Yeah I was. He and mamma really get along, she likes him. And Jonas kinda sucks up to her I think. It’s like they gang up on me sometimes. Sorry, I shouldn’t say these things”, she stopped self-deprecatingly. 

When I combined Isak’s back story with what we had done just now, I felt like a criminal. “Is this why you like it so rough? Because you don’t think you deserve to be treated gently?” I asked with rising horror. But she took my hand reassuringly. “It’s alright, don’t feel bad please.” 

She laced our fingers together. I revelled in every touch she would grant me, that wasn’t prompted by me. 

“I don’t know. I’ve always wanted to be dominated sexually. And I’ve wanted to be femme-presenting ever since before puberty. Maybe those two go together for me, both feel right.” She licked her bottom lip. “But yeah, it hurts that mamma doesn’t love me, and there’s that knack I have for finding and staying with jerks like Jonas.” Her eyes fluttered as she gave me a quick look. 

I set my teeth and jumped into the ice cold water. “Do you love him?” There was a pause where I had plenty of time to regret just about all of my life choices, a couple of times over. 

She bit her lip. “Jonas is - a safe haven, and believe it or not, I think he likes me a little bit. As much as he’s capable of.” She let go of my hand. “And even if I … like someone else, have done ever since”, she glanced shyly up at me, “ever since I saw you that first time, and then when you were so brave and … and cute at that talk in our class”, her cheeks crimsoned over when she looked down and continued with a trembling voice, “I would never be a side dish, no matter how much – “ 

“Huh?” I didn’t know if I was coming or going, I only registered what she was saying in fragments. Liked – me? Five years ago?? Side dish??? I couldn’t move a fucking muscle, couldn’t piece the puzzle together. That nightmarish feeling of unreality tried to creep into my head, as always when something tumbled me over. But my eyes clung to her as she went on. 

“I actually tried to milk Mikke for some information about you. So I knew you had a girlfriend. I mean ‘have’”, she corrected matter-of-factly. “I got that when you didn’t give me your real name. And then I saw her pick you up. I got that I was a side dish.” With hardened features she glanced over at her phone on the bedside table. “I should get up.” 

That shook me out of my stupor. “Isak! No!” I grabbed her shoulders. “Fuck, listen, please.” She wrung herself out of my grip and stood up, reaching for a dress that hung on a clothes rack. A fancy, sequined piece, such a one she’d use for work. “You can’t be my trick Even. That would – “ 

“Are you really going up there to do more tricks tonight?” Yep, I said that. Because jealousy had kidnapped my brain. While turning away from me she slipped her arms and head inside the dress and let the glistening, emerald green material swathe her as she raised her arms in the air. “That’s right”, a snappy Isak retorted, popping out through the dress collar, cheeks blushing in exasperation. “More tricks, well fucking put. You were one in a fucking long line, let the next one in please!” And with that she marched to the door, yanked it open and was gone. 

I sat gaping after her. She couldn’t mean – there was no way she was – she had no panties! was the notion I finally clung to. I had no panties either, or boxers or whatever the fuck. And I couldn’t find them! Haphazardly and hysterically - why do these pair up so often? – I lifted piles of clothes and bedding here and there with no result. But with disaster breathing down my neck I couldn’t stay back for decency. So I gave up after thirty seconds and dashed out of the room after her. In the pitch-black corridor outside I felt my way forward and found the stairs pretty quickly. I stumbled up the steps to the hall upstairs. Without thinking I rushed across the landing and opened the door where Isak had been before. 

She stood rummaging through a drawer with jerky movements, her back that always looked sensational turned to me. But in the lowcut, sparkling emerald dress it was dazzling. 

“You have no panties”, I informed her, pretty fucking lamely. She turned and gave me a cold once over. “You’re one to talk.” Then I noticed black panties in her hand that she hastily put on, showing off her legs in the process. Those legs that, not even an hour ago, were hooked over my shoulders. And before that, covered by my kisses when she lay open to me. 

Jealousy hit me so hard I started to tremble. No one must touch her! No one but me. I was instantly disgusted by my own reaction. Was that all this was? All I was? A selfish bastard wanting to stop other selfish bastards from holding her, owning her? 

Watching Isak fix her hair in front of the mirror, earrings twinking impatiently among her curls – everything she comprised once again refracted inside me, all the colours of her rainbow lighting up the remotest corners of my heart. Her sexiness was one segment – and my possessiveness echoed it. But she was so much more, so much courage and brilliancy, loneliness and compassion, weakness and strength. She was a whole world whose freely shining light I wanted to bask in. Not try to hide under a bushel, smother in my hands – Sonja had taught me that. 

“Isak, listen”, I started. She kept jerking angrily at her hair, not looking at me. 

“I can’t save you.” I flinched at what I’d just said. What happened to number two on my list? Now I said I couldn’t do it?! Isak reacted too, she stopped what she was doing and slumped down on the bed, hands motionless in her lap. 

I felt – everything, every acute emotion in my stomach, and tried to keep it that way, tried to stay in contact with whatever was going on inside me, hoping it wouldn’t destroy me. 

“I mean”, I went on, “we’ve just met, and maybe in a backwards way. Not with flirting and movies and stuff, and I …” 

“I get it”, she interrupted me, looking down at her still hands. “You don’t have to say anything more. Just – leave.” 

Not heeding her, I took one step closer. I was in a maze, trying to find the right way out. 

“I was stupid to think I could save you.” Her face was hidden behind her hair, but I saw tears starting to drip on her folded hands. “I wanted to be your knight in shining armour but”, I turned my palms up but she couldn’t see that anyway, “… my cover was busted five years ago so …” She sniffed and wiped her wet hands on the bed. 

“Between you and me, I don’t know who needs saving the most.” Fuck, was I making this to be about me? Isak didn’t respond, and I didn’t blame her. I closed my eyes in a final attempt to summon my forces. 

“I don’t think you need saving, Isak. I’ve never met anyone as lovely as you, as – smart, and you’re so sexy I’m like a humping monster just thinking about you.” I braced myself and just went for it. “Would you consider going on a date with me? As single? You said you don’t want to be a side dish. Neither do I.” 

I heard her breath catch before she jerked her head up and fixed me with an outraged stare. “So you’re saying I should leave Jonas while you –“ 

I fell to my knees in front of her, naked, shrivelled-up dick and all. “I broke up with Sonja this morning. I did it for you Isak. I know it’s not cool or whatever to say that, and we were gonna do it sooner or later anyway, but. I kept thinking of you, so I did it. And you don’t have to be with me just because …” I was silenced by her hand slapping my mouth shut. 

“Are you gonna talk this much on our date too?” 

My lips pulled back in the widest grin against her palm. She smiled back at me, just as wide, the prettiest smile with the gap in her front teeth. “Get up Handsome. It’s too early for proposing.” I sat up beside her, too overjoyed to do anything but hug her to my chest and bury my face in her hair. I felt her arms wrap around me, her breathing against my neck. 

“I’ll do it”, she mumbled against my skin, hot puffs of air that made me aware of how cold I was. “It’s time.” 

I hugged her impossibly closer. “Time for you to discover how happy you can be. How loved you are.” Shucks, there was that word again. She scoffed. “Too early for that too?” I asked. Her grip around my middle tightened. “Mm. But I’ll let it slide.” 

She pulled back but held on to my arms. “I meant it’s time to take my life back and find out what I can do with it. I’ve been hiding here because I thought the world was too scary for me. But now … I feel ready to see if I can be brave enough.” 

I remembered something I had heard once, and took her hands in mine. 

“You don’t have to be brave for the world, Isak. My therapist once said that you don’t have to be strong or brave to be grown up. Being grown up isn’t about that. It’s about being able to ask for what you need.” 

She seemed to ponder that for a while. “Smart therapist.” 

“She’s really great yeah”, I agreed. “So, think about what you need, then let me know and I'll make it happen”, I vowed bravely. 

“Ok. Well now I need … somewhere to stay.” I smacked my forehead. “So do I! We both do”, I grinned slyly. But she stopped me right there. “Oh no mister, I’m getting my own place, make no mistake. And so should you by the way.” 

“Fuck, you’re a quick learner”, I grudgingly admitted. “But you’re right. First date should happen between two people not shacking up together I guess.” 

She leaned in and kissed me on the mouth. “True.” And that made me so happy. She kissed me of her own volition! I had moved up in the world, from customer to dude-Isak-kisses-of-her-own-free-will. There was nothing more I could wish for. Being a real, kissable dude beat the crap out of any phantom knight in shining armour. 

“Let’s go down and find you some clothes to begin with”, she suggested. “Why, what’s wrong with being naked?” I objected. “From now on, we should do everything naked. No clothes!” 

She just laughed at me. “Ok.” 

Two hours later, we were sitting on the tram over to my parents’ house. I’d suggested we sleep there the first night, and then we could make our separate plans to solve our housing situations. And Isak had approved. But of course I couldn’t just saunter out from the bar with the prize I’d bagged. 

Turned out the key - the only key - to the room in the basement where all our stuff was, was locked inside that room. I’d been in such a hurry to run up after Isak that I’d forgotten to take it with me. So yeah – one expensive emergency locksmith later, and a lot of hiding from everyone on my part (walking around naked wasn’t as fun as I’d thought), we made it out of there, bleary-eyed and longing for the bed in my parents’ guest room. 

We leaned against each other like two weary hobos in the almost deserted tram. “Can’t wait to wine and dine you princess”, I promised, to cheer us up. “Beer”, she yawned. 

I sat up straight. “I knew it! I could tell from how you ‘drank’ the wine at the bar”, I made rabbit ears with my fingers.

She scoffed. “It’s Jonas makes me drink wine at the bar. Says it fits the concept.” 

I leaned back against her again. “No more fake drinking wine for you princess. I’m taking you to Mikrobryggeriet first thing.” I leaned down to whisper in her ear. “Maybe not first thing. My folks are away so we’ve got the house to ourselves. If you know what I mean.” 

Isak squinted up at me with pursed lips. “Mm dunno, I’m getting pervy vibes. Sex at your folks’ house.” She made a disgusted face. 

I waggled my eyebrows at her. “What’s wrong with pervy vibes?” 

“Creep”, she scolded. But then she kissed me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hearing your thoughts makes me happy!

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to make this quick and dirty but my sappy heart was led astray. Let me know what you think <3


End file.
